Couples Counseling vs. Discernment Counseling: Which is Right for You?

Are you and your partner facing issues that seem too big to solve on your own? Maybe you’re experiencing frequent conflict, breaches of trust, or feeling distant from each other. It’s common for couples to encounter challenges like these, but deciding whether to work through them or consider separation can be overwhelming.

In my work with couples, I offer both couples therapy and discernment counseling to support partners based on where they are in their relationship. Here’s a closer look at the differences to help you decide which approach might be the best fit for you and your partner.

Couples Therapy: Rebuilding Connection and Communication

When your relationship no longer feels like the safe haven it used to be, couples therapy offers a way to rebuild trust and strengthen your bond. Relationships are deeply important, but ongoing conflict, hurt, or distance can make you feel stuck and disconnected. Couples therapy is about having real conversations and working together to address the underlying issues. It’s a chance to rekindle your connection and develop a partnership where both of you feel safe, valued, and heard.

In couples therapy sessions, we focus on identifying unhealthy patterns and understanding each partner’s needs. We work on building essential communication skills and explore ways to restore trust and intimacy. For many couples, therapy offers a path forward—a way to navigate conflict and rediscover the fulfilling relationship you desire.

Discernment Counseling: Finding Clarity and Confidence in Your Next Steps

If you and your partner are considering divorce but are unsure if it’s the right decision, discernment counseling might be a better fit. This approach is designed specifically for couples who are ambivalent about the future of their relationship. Unlike traditional couples therapy, which assumes both partners are committed to working on the relationship, discernment counseling is about helping each of you gain clarity around your next steps.

In discernment counseling, my role is not to solve the issues in your relationship but to help each of you better understand your own feelings and contributions. Through both joint and individual sessions, we’ll explore your fears, hopes, and motivations. This process offers a safe space to reflect on what you truly want for yourself and the relationship, and it often brings a sense of relief and understanding to both partners.

Discernment counseling typically involves up to five sessions, allowing for a deep, thoughtful look at whether your relationship could be restored or if it’s time to move toward separation. This process provides clarity and confidence in whatever decision you make, whether that’s a plan for reconciliation or steps toward a constructive, respectful divorce.

Which Path is Right for You?

If you’re both feeling committed to working on your relationship, couples therapy can provide the tools to overcome barriers and reconnect. On the other hand, if you’re feeling uncertain about whether to stay together or part ways, discernment counseling offers a safe, supportive space to clarify your feelings and decide on the future of your relationship.

For couples seeking greater insight, clarity, and direction, reaching out to discuss your unique needs could be the first step toward finding peace and confidence in your path forward. Relationships can heal, and no matter what decision you come to, you deserve support in reaching it.

Key Differences Between Couples Counseling and Discernment Counseling

Here’s a closer look at the differences:

1. Commitment Level

   • Couples Counseling: Both partners are committed to working on the relationship.

   • Discernment Counseling: One or both partners are uncertain about staying together, often considering divorce as an option.

2. Focus of the Counseling

   • Couples Counseling: Focuses on addressing and resolving specific relationship issues.

   • Discernment Counseling: Focuses on helping each partner understand their role in the relationship dynamic and whether the marriage can or should be saved.

3. Session Structure

   • Couples Counseling: Typically involves joint sessions where partners work together on issues with some individual sessions throughout as needed.

   • Discernment Counseling: Includes both joint sessions and individual sessions with each partner to allow for personal reflection.

4. Outcome Goals

   • Couples Counseling: Aims to strengthen and repair the relationship for the long term.

   • Discernment Counseling: Aims to provide clarity and confidence in a decision, whether that’s to work towards repairing the marriage or pursuing a constructive separation.

When Is Discernment Counseling More Appropriate?

Discernment counseling may be the right approach if:

• You’re considering divorce but aren’t entirely sure it’s the right choice

• You or your partner feels “stuck” in the relationship, unable to move forward but not ready to end things

• You’ve tried traditional counseling before, but it hasn’t resolved the fundamental question of whether to stay together

When Is Couples Counseling the Better Fit?

Couples counseling is more appropriate if:

• Both partners are committed to actively working on improving their relationship

• You’re experiencing issues with communication, trust, or emotional intimacy but feel hopeful about repairing the relationship

• You’re both open to long-term support and want to grow together as a couple

Which Path is Right for You?

If you and your partner are ready to work on your relationship, couples therapy can provide the tools to overcome barriers and reconnect. But if you’re uncertain about whether to stay together or part ways, discernment counseling offers a safe, supportive space to help you clarify your feelings and decide on your future.

Your relationship deserves clarity, confidence, and peace. Whether you’re here to rebuild or find closure, I’m here to help. Take the first step today by scheduling a free consultation, and let’s talk about how we can support you on this journey—wherever it may lead.

This blog post draws from the educational insights provided by Steven Harris, Ph.D., LMFT, through the Minnesota Couples on the Brink Project.