Tips to Manage Relationship Conflict

Why is my relationship so stressful, and why do our fights feel like a war?

My relationship feels broken, how do we fix it?

How do we stop arguing all of the time?

Have you found yourself asking these questions about your relationship or marriage? If so, here are some practical tips to try the next time a disagreement arises.

Managing Conflict: Avoiding Harmful Language in Your Relationship

Conflict can easily escalate, raising emotions to a boiling point where we might say things we don’t mean. While it may seem obvious, name-calling or hurling insults can significantly damage the sense of safety, connection, and intimacy in a relationship. Instead of reacting with hurtful words, take a moment to pause and reflect on how you're really feeling. Then, express those emotions constructively. While it may feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar at first, focusing on how you feel—rather than attacking your partner—can help rebuild trust and reduce conflict over time.

Are You Really Listening During Conflicts?

Have you noticed that during intense conflicts, you and your partner aren't truly listening to each other? It's almost as if you're both just waiting for your turn to "let each other have it." This is common in relationship conflicts, where both partners feel unheard. As a result, you may listen just to react rather than understand. When we feel unheard, it’s easy to raise our voices, interrupt, or talk over our partner. Instead, try listening to understand—not to react—and see how that changes the way your partner communicates. You may find that when both of you feel heard, conflicts start to become more constructive.

Limit Blaming to Foster Connection in Conflict

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “Why can’t they just see the role they’re playing in this problem?” It’s frustrating when their mistakes seem so obvious to you. You might feel that if you just point it out clearly, maybe they’ll change their behavior. But the truth is, no one feels connected when they’re being blamed. Blaming your partner for the conflict will only create more hurt, tension, and disconnection. Both of you have feelings and reactions to the situation, and this is a good opportunity to share how you feel, rather than pointing fingers. When you communicate without blame, it opens the door for deeper understanding and resolution.

Try to Pause: Creating Space for Connection During Conflict

When conflict escalates, it’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to prove your point or becoming combative. Instead, take a moment to pause with your partner and reflect on what you truly hope to gain from the disagreement. Most couples desire a stronger connection after conflict and want to feel that their partner truly "gets it." Expressing that you want to approach the discussion in a way that fosters connection can help soften the tension and encourage both of you to lean in and listen. Taking this pause can transform a heated argument into an opportunity for deeper understanding.

Still Feeling Stuck?

If you’ve tried addressing these behaviors on your own and are still feeling stuck in the same cycle, it might be time to seek support. Relationships can feel overwhelming when unhealthy patterns persist, but you don’t have to navigate this alone.

Call today for a free 15-minute phone consultation to explore whether couples therapy can help you and your partner break free from these cycles and reconnect.

-MarQui McGill, LMFT